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Dec 31, 2012

Teardrops Like New York Rainfall (Downcast I)

I swear I talk about this shit all the time like it's nothing, but what people don't understand is, to be honest, I don't have any of my life together.  The only thing I have together right now is my sentences and even these don't have the same worth they did before.  

Recently it's been hard trying to get a job, I hear about my friends and everyone else going to college like it's already payed for and taken care of.  Something I envy.  That ability to get into a college they want, because they were able to make it mentally through High School.  I unfortunately couldn't, I often sat in the hallways during lunch because I had no one else to talk to besides some other kid in the hallway put there due to some bad behaviour.  

I never got my shit together.  Every year I'd get a girlfriend and lose one after a good 6 months - which at the time, depressed me deeply - causing my grades to fall.  I've had suicidal thoughts before, but never could picture myself going through with any of them, but it hurts sometimes when you get judged because you're 21 and not even in college or have a job yet...

Let me make this shit clear - I had a Good childhood with a fucked up stepfather who my whole years being around making subtle jokes and humilating me subconsciously when I was too young to even understand what he was really saying behind the things he said.  Who later hit me and had kicked me out of the house slamming it in my face, threatening to beat me up, mentally abusing me and my mother.

Yeah, that's my story.  I'm sorry that my mother wanted to be happy and is dirvorcing the asshole stepfather.  But with that - We're having a hard time even making it middle class.  My mother had the strength to stand up and do what was good for her, and I can't hate that, I just wish people wouldn't hate on me because I'm not as far along as them.  I don't want to be looked at differently, I want to be able to feel the same.  Those of you willing to keep that and keep me for what I am, my arms extend to you, and to those of you who wishing unease on me, may you find your own self in your attempt to ridicule me.

Posted via email from We're All A Bit Insane Here

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