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Sep 10, 2012

The Heartbeat Baseline

(Bump Bump..Bump Bump..)

Every bump of my heartbeat as I layed there, eyes recovering from tears, my pillow a tad damp - it had a message for me to listen to.  I began reviewing my life.  All the good things I did, all the bad things I did, all the people I was nice to, all the people I mistreated... all the people who didn't deserve to be mistreated.. It all came and hit me like a freight train that lost its breaks on an icy night.  I created this.. I destroyed the good things that came my way, and only had a few of them hanging on by the fingers.. Still climbing back up to stick with me.  The rest, I destroyed.. I pushed away.. and now, I can't have a normal conversation anymore.. Nothing was normal anymore.

(Bump Bump..Bump Bump..)

I had faith that I could repair things, but it was dampened by the amount of negativity that surrounded it. It was mainly one person that I cared about.  I'd give anything to have things back the way they used to be with them.. Just as long as I could have it back.. 

(Bump Bump..Bump Bump..)

Another set of heartbeats playing the soundtrack to my life.  A little violin here, a cello there, and even as the tune faded.. the heartbeats still resumed.. 
I felt colder than a slaughterhouse meat freezer.  And the cold never went away.  My mind was too active for me to let it go and just fall asleep..

I just wanted it all back..with that person.  
And now, I feel like I'm further than before.. by a long shot.. and it makes me wonder about the future.. I was the cause of it all... and now I wanted to fix it.. and hope some how, things would work out..

(Bump Bump..Bump Bump..)

It was just a matter of dripping sand...

A New York Minute was all it felt like, now I wanted that minute back. 

Posted via email from We're All A Bit Insane Here

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