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Sep 21, 2012

It's a weird thing but comforting - I was rage free - literally

It was almost a phenomenon beyond my belief, but ever since I broke down and admitted I didn't want to be that rage-a-holic person who some people knew me to be, raging at people and saying hurtful harming things that would downright disturb people.

To really put it into perspective, it was like a drug, an addictive one at that.  I used my rage for many years to deal with my battles and people who were just flat out assholes to me.  I harnessed it, it became my weapon, my tool.  But it began to consume me.  In some sense, it was even more than just a "drug" - it was almost my own metaphoric Demon that I had created and resided in me to deal with the issues that came about.  Not in a possessive manner, I knew what was going on, I knew it was a part of me, I was completely aware of my own actions - this wasn't some lame excuse used by a lowlife to blame his actions on something paranormal or anything along the lines of "the Devil made me do it" - this was my own Demon - and even more so - it was my own making.

Like I said, i let the power behind my rage consume me, and in turn, it destroyed things in my life, luckily some of those things were repaired, but weren't the same, it would take a while for things to repair fully.  

And that day, almost a month ago, I broke down and decided it was time for me to get rid of it.  I didn't want it anymore, I used it for when I needed it and now I saw the harm it did in return.  

Ever since then, I've even been more surprised in myself.  I felt like I was creating my own revelations and being more mature.  That's not to say I wouldn't still get upset or pissed off if someone agitated me, but I wasn't going to let my anger consume me and cause me to make some psycho out of myself.

Posted via email from We're All A Bit Insane Here

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