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Mar 17, 2012

White Tablets. White Rabbits. Bad Habits.

The first thing you're probably going to be thinking when you read the title of this is "oh, he's on about his pills again." but that's not the point of this.


Not this time..

A little progress report - I've been making more and more advancements in my knowledge and self education of technology, specifically the way a computer ties into the hardware it uses, how it functions, and the way to fixing things.  For a long while I've been focused on mostly the 'software' part of computers but over the past year, I've become more capable to understanding the way an Operating System ties to the actual hardware we use.

Over the past year I've successfully switched from Windows to Linux and made efforts into understanding a completely new OS (operating system), and how it works - I've become more familiar with combination of Terminal Command Line Interfaces as well as the standard Graphical User Interface (CLI and GUI). In doing so I've noticed the full potential that a computer can have and how much faster you can work with only a few words to type in rather than 'point and click' technique.

But to keep your attention.

Along with that, I've also made more adjustments to understanding myself and the way I think, I'm more in touch with how I truly feel about something.  In the past I used to just let things roll off of me and take to what was easiest - being 'self-pity', but between social isolation and then to re-entering society and interacting more once again, I've been able to speak freely about what I feel about a topic without care of the judgment that may take place upon me.  

Some would call it a lack of restraint, and to an extent, that's what it is.  It's a lack of restraint, but has become more cultured of that which people frown upon in social interactions, and become a work in progress to make something that is called 'freedom of expression'.  I have gotten used to encounters, negative and positive.  I've learned the hardway to pick my battles and that when you can antagonize the other individual with your lack of action rather than become violent, you have the upper hand. I have also many times been the antagonist in which we use word play and other snarky comments to employ a reaction or rise out of someone without having to physically threaten them.

As for positive encounters, I've also learned that some battles are worth losing.  You don't gain friends from being an asshole or douchebag to people you disagree with.  You gain friends from better understanding and acceptance of one another.  Some people are uncomfortable with that, and to which I can understand and then proceed to avoid any further confrontation.  I've learned to be patient and to accept being wrong and to take in another person's knowledge they have to share as they may offer new ideas and solutions that you are unfamiliar with.

Where does it end?

There is also a level of stress that is still present within me that tends to get the best of me from time to time.  I've related some of it to do with my health - mentally, physically, and dietarily. My consumption of caffiene has often times lead to unhealthy moments of manic stress and over stimulation, which in turn causes some of my OCD to kick in, my obsessional thinking and part of my untrained skills to maintain control kick in - not violently, but emotionally and with thoughts or fears that I have unsettled.  Sometimes they work themselves out, sometimes I have to go on and just say, in a very honest way, 'fuck it', and move forth.

Things that I've learned That I Pass On To Others

 Some things I've learnt that I can pass on to others are that, 

1.  Never under any circumstance make assumptions about anything or anyone.  Period, end of story.

2.  To react in violence in a situation that is not of great emergence is to show a weakness; meaning, unless you are put against the wall without any other options, reacting in violence or violent behavior only shows that you lack the ability to control yourself and save your anger for something more productive. We all struggle with this.

3.  Choose your battles, choose your friends, enemies and frienemies.  If the person you choose to keep company with is only causing you pain then remove yourself from the equation and proceed to either go on forward with your life or replace them with someone who is going to benefit you or something that is going to benefit you.  

4.  Keep a certain level of privacy around anyone but yourself.  You have a set selection of people you can only trust certain amounts of information with.  Don't say something to someone that you don't trust and don't say something that you aren't afraid to say to someone else publicly or to them straight out.  There are always going to be people you can trust with different levels of important information and sensitive information, but never expose it all.  You need to isolate the information you share with certain people, keep what you say straight to the point or not at all, don't say anything to jeopordise your position with someone else.  If you feel the absolute need to say something to someone of great importance or something you feel strongly about then choose a better way to say it flat out but choose your wording carefully.


That's all folks.



Posted via email from We're All A Bit Insane Here

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