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Sep 7, 2015

Getting the pain off my chest

Things have been building up lately, so I've needed to write this blog post for a while.

First things first, I guess you can say that I miss my ex girlfriend to some extent.  I miss the positive times we had, beyond the scope of the rest of the relationship.  I miss the good moments, the moments where she was able to laugh and have fun with me.
I didn't think it'd hit me, because of how emotionally damaged I am from her (among other damage), but it took some time. Then again, maybe I'm just lonely. Maybe I don't even really miss her and I just miss what the feeling of being with someone is like.

Second thing, I'm losing what real friends feel like. I feel alone. Some people show their real colors after a long while. It's hard for me to feel like I can really trust anyone but my family. Shitty, because I put my all out there..

Third thing, I'm relapsing to old behaviors .. Not drugs, but depressive behavior. I'm lonely as fuck. Romance, friendships, life in general is really taking a toll on me.

Aug 30, 2015

The ex

Normally, I would think it would be hilarious to have Nightmares about your ex-girlfriend, ex-wife, ex-whatever-fits-your-situation, but in all honesty, my Nightmares about my ex-girlfriend have been so vivid and damaging.
Each one is fairly the same. I'm in this city 🌆 that is nothing either night-time and raining, or is strictly surrounded by dark mist.
Every place I wake up in (each time I have dreamt this same dream) is either a hospital looking Pavilion or I'm randomly in the middle of a Coalition group trying to escape the city.
Somewhere, every time, about almost towards when I find out where I'm going in this dream world, I see her- my ex is standing there as if she was pretending to hardly recognize me.
Sometimes she's in a doctor's outfit and lab coat, sometimes she's just how she normally would dress, but each time this dream ends - it always ends with some futuristic city and a group of people trying to get out despite what the laws of the city say.

So that's been a total of 4 nights I've had this dream that connected onto one another.

I'm not sure how it relates to my ex-girlfriend in anyway other than the vibes of my dreams were off.

Jun 18, 2015


I think I've come to the point of letting go of the relationship I was in. Sure I didn't see the person for very long, but the problem with that is that I invested a lot of time and emotion. I invested a lot of my love, I got to know her family, I got to know her, I became a part of her life. Hell I even put my life on the line in some situations. And all I got in return was nothing but rudeness.

Being called the rebound is never fun.
Especially when you thought the person cared about you.

I'm slowly but surely learning how avoid leaving myself vulnerable.

Jun 6, 2015

Canal Street (the deep canal)

Things switch up so fast,
What once was the present becomes the past,
I had to blink twice and you went by me

Now I'm stuck having relapses,
Taking my classes just to get my passes
Can't get my mind off of you and what you do

You left me on a cold day,
Summer in the air, but ice in your eyes
Little did I know this was going to be a day I despise
Moving slow, it's hard for me to handle this alone
I'm by myself in a negative zone

This love, this love can't last forever.

Jun 3, 2015

The Best Things Take Time

Life has been kind to me recently. I happened to get a girlfriend, managed to make it most of the way through School, but this quarter has been hell.  I'm thinking about all the things I should do to make my GPA better. Sometimes, I wonder if numbers define people in today's society.

I've been going through some changes that I wasn't expecting. Between my Math class being an absolute work of destruction and trying to get my company running, while passing Music Production, I feel like I'm being run rampant. I am torn between doing what I love to do and doing what I have to do.

My girlfriend and I started dating on the 27th of May. She's everything I could ever want. Shannon is a beautiful woman, I'm still getting to know her, but the more I do, the more I love her.

My money situation is not easy right now, so hopefully this possible job at a collective will benefit.